… although not again. I think I did enough crazy for at least this lifetime. I was trying to remember with a friend when/how we met and he mentioned some NYC clubs that were probably the birthplace of our friendship, sometime in the early aughties.
Thinking about those clubs prompted me to remember how fun, simple and ridiculous some of those places, escapades and my friends and I were.
Some memories:
The white stretch limo that my GH (gay husband) hailed down one Halloween because there were no cabs anywhere and how tacky, foolish and drunk we were as we drove from club to club in that monstrosity!
Losing a heel off one of my stilettos while dancing with a new love interest—some hot young director—and handing him both shoes to get fixed at the end of the night. It was a Cinderella fantasy gone awry; I never got those shoes back because our romance fizzled quick. Sigh. I still miss those stilettos.
The watermelon martini overdose at GH’s 30th birthday party.
Climbing onto one of the wooden beams that crisscrossed the ceiling of a Soho club whose name I don’t recall and walking across it like I was on a balance beam. In stilettos. With a glass of champagne. Yeah, that was dumb.
Sitting at an after-hours lounge next to a diminutive Prince, who did nothing but brood silently all night.
Having an ice bucket dumped on my girlfriend and me at another lounge because she was très wasted and très obnoxious to a group of guys. The only upside was that they got thrown out and we got a bottle of champagne.
There are so many more memories, boys, clothes, cocktails and so on… and it feels like it all happened to someone else, but I’m glad it happened to me. If only so I can counsel little D when she’s bigger and have the authority of experience when I lay down some ground rules to go out by:
1. Stick to one cocktail an hour—two at the most—no matter how great the open bar is (and alternate with water!)
2. Don’t give your good shoes to anyone when neither of you are sober. No matter how much you think you like him, Prince Charming does not exist. Shoe fetishists, however, do.
3. On a related note, don’t leave your favorite pair of jeans backstage at a rock club—you’ll never see them again. Yes, this happened to me once. And that style of jean was discontinued by Miss Sixty, which is still my biggest denim regret.
4. No form of gymnastics—tumbling, balance beam, vault—ever needs to take place in a nightclub.
5. The night’s not young enough to waste on a boring companion, even if he’s one of the best musicians in the universe.
6. Try not to be obnoxious or have obnoxious friends, no matter how cute you and they are. Obnoxious and drunk cancel out cute immediately.
7. No stretch white limos—ever.
8. If you’re dancing on a tabletop, speakers, stage, what-have-you, pay attention when someone’s trying to help you get down. You most likely need their help even though you think you don’t.
9. ALWAYS wear underwear! And do your best not to take any nude pix for the sake of your parents (see: Blake Lively, Vanessa Hudgens, Paris Hilton, et al.) Digital is forever, people.
10. But do take some pix to remember all of this because your watermelon martini-logged brain certainly won’t.
Breaking many rules with GH at one of my birthday parties long ago
Now tell me some of your best going-out memories!
Like this:
Tags: Advice, balance beam, Blake Lively, Cinderella, cocktails, drinking, gay husband, going out, gymnastics, Halloween, memories, Miss Sixty jeans, nude pictures, NYC nightclubs, open bar, Paris Hilton, Prince, Prince Charming, stilettos, stretch white limo, Vanessa Hudgens, watermelon martini, youth
2am, some apt in EV, circa 1998
Me: I think I should go home
Him: you *are* home
Me: then I think *you* should go home
(should have picked up on familiarity of the interior decorating – I truly thought we just had *such* similar taste!!)
Sam!! I will always remember this story of yours! I’ve told it to so many people because it’s so hysterical
XO~M
After reading your escapades, I think I need get a little crazier and I’ll be sure to take your advice! LOL
It happened in Vegas… my friends decided that we needed to take a free limo to the strip club pretty late. Once we got there, we quickly realized we were being hustled with a admission fee (that we paid since we were stupid and drunk) because all the dancers weren’t even dancing and were getting ready to leave. We got kicked out because of complaining and my friend ended up punching the limo driver in a fit of rage… annnnd we ran away. Good way to end a Vegas trip!
Kimberly, that’s pretty crazy… hahaha… was your friend a guy or girl who did the punching??
A guy. He might have had one too many Tequila shots…
LOL. Love the ground rules for Dae. I think most of us have been there. I’m remember bar hopping with some friends in Vancouver, BC. One bar had this drink called “The Cleaver”. I don’t remember what was in it but do recall every drink came with a miniature cleaver. Imagine a group of drunk guys walking down the streets of Vancouver swinging cleavers around. Sheesh. I admit I’m boring. Having a daughter scares me when she reaches her partying age. My wife was a pretty wild girl herself. Partying, hot wiring cars (not joking), driving away from the fuzz (again not joking) and sleeping only two hours to only wake up to hit the next club. She is so different today. I guess the “young and crazy” got out of her system.
If I ever get to Vancouver, Jojo, I’m going to have to try “The Cleaver!” Don’t worry about your daughter. It sounds like your wife will be completely able to handle and guide her when the time comes!
oh no, i have some decadent memories….I’m the devil’s favorite companion. Here is one, waking up in a stranger’s house and having breakfast with her dad…yes! I am evil…
Mickey, you are evil. Thank goodness for all the ladies out there that you settled down and are off the market now!
Bit off topic but you know, in your photo, if you were holding your right hand up a little further you’d be the ultimate epitome of the Statue of Liberty, torch and all! Sorry if that is disrespectful to New Yorkers but it was the first thing that popped into my mind when I saw your pic Maggie and it make me LMAO!
Renee, you are too funny!
How did we never run into each other back in the day? Weren’t the wooden beams from Spy Bar? Or was it Wax? And correct me if I’m wrong but that photo looks like it was taken at Chaos. Man, this post brings back memories.
MD, I want some of *your* memories! I know, I can’t believe we never met. Think the wooden beams were definitely Wax–thank you!–would never have remembered. And Spy was where the ice bucket incident happened. I used to live there and at Bowery Bar (can’t say I’m actually proud of that fact.) And the bday pic is from… Taj? It was a friend’s place on 21st St. He wanted to throw my bday party there… pretty sure it was Taj!
Waking up after a night of tequila shots and realizing that 1) I didn’t know where I was and 2) I didn’t know any of the people around me, all of them still fast asleep/snoring.
I love the pic! And the dress!
Oooh, tequila! I’ve done many naughty things due to tequila shots–but I still love a good margarita
The dress is Tufi Duek! I loved it, too, but I think I gave it away after it shrunk at the drycleaners 
two words Maggie:CRAZY n so ALIVE!! thats how a girl should spent the young age! :p
Yes, it’s true