“22″ Going On…

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I saw this video today by Lily Allen and I just love it:

To me, it really sums up life in the big city when you’re a girl becoming a woman. And as Lily sings, what society thinks or does with a woman who’s “past her prime”—in this case, thirty. I know I’ve felt past my use-by date, even as young as twenty, and I wonder what that says about the messages and images we’re bombarded with as girls and women?

I’ve been that drunken girl in front of the bathroom mirror, touching up her face and wondering what was going to come next that could possibly save me from a sometimes lonely and empty existence. You go out feeling fabulous in a new dress and come home with either a one-night stand or, more likely, the start of a raging hangover—and hope against hope that someone will someday come along and take you away from all of it.

As women, what does it mean to have triumphed in society? Landing the rich husband, the fab career, having a baby or two? Funny how our options, though supposedly endless, seem to fall within the same narrow confines of women centuries ago. Even Sex and the City shows women who haven’t really “made it” until they’ve married their Mr. Big because let’s face it, you can be forty and fabulous but if you’re single, you’re still a spinster (translation: loser.) Maybe it’s only natural that women and men partner off and procreate, but society is far more cruel to the aging bachelorette than the eternal bachelor, the emergence of cougars and MILFS notwithstanding (and aren’t they more the butt of jokes than anything else?)

If I could give some advice to all the lovely young things (and thirty is still young, dammit!) out there who think it’s all over:

1) It’s not and don’t believe those fools who tell you it is.
2) The man of your dreams, soulmates, partners—they do exist. But it takes really knowing and loving yourself to find that person. When you don’t need someone to take you away from it all, you’ll find the one who will (if that’s what you still want!)
3) Define your own success. Define your own happiness. It’s yours, no one else’s.
4) Evolve! If it hasn’t been working for you, change it up, because no one and nothing else will do it for you. Realize that what you wanted and were looking for at 20 probably isn’t the same as when you’re 30. So stop behaving the same way.
5) That probably means less clubbing and getting shit-faced. Trust me, you won’t find Mr. Right in the bathroom of a bar. (Seriously, I’ve tried. Many times.)
6) You are young and beautiful! Really enjoy your perfect skin and your thick hair and your endless energy. You have it, so flaunt it. Collagen and Botox will never make you look 25 (or 30) again!
7) If you really want to hold onto your looks, don’t smoke, try not to do too many drugs or drink too much and (it has to be said), avoid too much sun.
8 ) Don’t waste your time, energy and youth on guys who always have excuses for why they can’t commit to you.
9) Do go to bed with some guys just because they’re hot or sexy or fun—even if you (and he) don’t want anything else from each other.
10) Never, ever be afraid to ask for what you want, whether it comes to love, money, sex, understanding, anything! You’ll most likely get what you ask for, in one way or another.

BONUS:

11) Don’t take my advice (or anyone else’s) if you think it’s crap. You’re a smart cookie who can and will figure it out for yourself.

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Filed under Advice, Beauty, Culture, Dating & Relationships, Dreams, Life, Love & Sex, New York

Tags: 22 video, Advice, aging, Botox, collagen, cougars, girls, hangover, Lily Allen, love, man of your dreams, MILFs, Mr. Big, Sex and the City, society, soulmate, women